Canada: The Northernmost State

About a month ago I penned a little rant about "independent voters," arguing as I always do that "independent" is just a functional euphemism for "low-information" (i.e., "bog stupid"). The cause of that rant was a poll asking Mississippi voters for whom they would vote today if they had the choice: Abraham Lincoln or Jefferson Davis? Lincoln was the clear winner among both Democrats and Republicans, but self-identified "Independents" were split evenly at 44% each.

I suggested that this was only further evidence that people who self-identify as "independent" are really just so damned ignorant that they don't even know who either Lincoln or Davis were. In an attempt to bolster my claim that there are Americans alive today who don't know who Abraham Lincoln was, I pointed out that "[t]hese are people who think Canada is the northernmost state."

Well . . . lest anybody think I exaggerate the depth of ignorance that exists in the simple American electorate, let's just take a gander at how the Iowa Republican caucuses are wrapping up. Here is Texas Governor Rick Perry explaining to Iowans why we should be eager to get our hands on Canada's tar sands oil:

"Every barrel of oil that comes out of those sands in Canada is a barrel of oil that we don't have to buy from a foreign source," Mr. Perry said in Clarinda, earning a round of enthusiastic applause.

Later, the audience reacted again to Mr. Perry's assertion that buying so much energy from foreign countries is "not good policy, it's not good politics and frankly it's un-American." (emphasis added)

And you thought I was exaggerating last month about how bog stupid Americans can be? What cracks me up about all this is not just that Perry just naturally considers Canada's oil to be part of the United States' domestic production, but that when he made these ridiculous statements his Republican audience burst into "enthusiastic applause." Apparently, the sheer ridiculousness of claiming Canada's oil as our own escaped them all.

Lord, Lord . . . give me the strength tomorrow night to drink enough to expunge all of 2011 from my head, and to steel me to endure the year to come.

The Return of the Son of the Low-Information “Independent”

Via Andrew Sabl at The Reality-Based Community, we learn that PPP’s latest survey in Mississippi asked respondents for whom would they vote in a hypothetical matchup between Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis.

Among Democrats, Lincoln wins 76 – 10.  Among Republicans, Lincoln wins 45 – 36.  But among “independents” the match-up is tied at 44% each.

I’ve been banging on this same drum for years, but I am going to go ahead and repeat myself again:  there is no such thing as an “independent voter,” just “low information voters.”

I mean, seriously . . . who in their right mind would consider voting for the leader of the Confederacy against the United States of America, over the man on the penny, the five dollar bill and Mt. Rushmore, the man who is ½ of the presidents celebrated on Presidents’ Day, the man most or at least many people consider the greatest president who ever lived?

Not Conservative Republican Mississippi voters.  They go with Lincoln (albeit not by as large a majority as one would hope).  Nope, it’s “the independents.”  Now is that because they are so damned “independent” that they are willing to buck conventional wisdom and think outside the box?  Well, I suppose . . . maybe.  But I think it is much more likely that these know-nothing nimrods just don’t have the slightest clue who Lincoln and Davis were. 

And before anybody objects that there couldn’t possibly be people in the U.S. who don’t know who Abraham Lincoln was, let me remind you of exactly who lives amongst us.  These are the people who think Canada is the northernmost state.  These are the people who think Africa is a country.  These are the people who – despite a lifetime’s worth of WWII Hollywood movies – still cannot name 2 of the 3 countries the United States fought during World War Two.  These are the people who don’t know against which country we fought the Revolutionary War.

(I saw that poll result.  A few people suggested it was Japan.  I am not making that up.)

Only people so boundlessly clueless as to not have already picked a side in modern America’s polarized politics could possibly think that electing Abraham Lincoln or Jefferson Davis would pretty much be a toss-up:  eh, six of one, half a dozen of the other.  And not because they are wise, thoughtful, prudent “independents,” but because they are ignorant, self-involved, know-nothing “morons.”

And it is upon these low-information morons that every four years the goddamned presidential election turns.

I mean . . . Jefferson Davis. 

Jesus wept.